Finding Carrie: A 30-Year Quest to Keep One Simple Promise
Have you ever made a promise that seemed simple at the time but ended up changing the entire course of your life?
As a teenager, full of determination but short on experience, I made one such promise to my grandfather: I would find his grandmother, Carrie. I had no idea then that this casual commitment would launch a three-decade quest, shape my entire career, and teach me that the most powerful family connections often begin with a simple word: "I promise."
"I sat in a little breakfast nook with my grandfather, and he told me about his grandma, Carrie. He had only met her twice in his life, and the fact that this was his reality really bothered me. Even as a kid, I grew up knowing about all four of my grandparents and the fact that my grandfather didn't know his grandmother really, really bothered me."
In this debut episode of Stories That Live in Us, I share the deeply personal journey of searching for my great-great-grandmother, Carrie Inman Cowan. It's a story that spans decades, evolving from hand-cranking microfilm readers in Salt Lake City (Thank you, FamilySearch.) to the digital revolution that changed everything in genealogy (Thank you, Ancestry.com). But more than that, it's a story about persistence, connection, and the unexpected ways our ancestors can shape our lives even when we know almost nothing about them.
The Mystery That Started It All
Imagine being a single mother in 1901. Now imagine doing it without parents, without siblings, with only your skill as a dressmaker to sustain you and your teenage sons. This was Carrie's reality—at least, the small glimpse of it that we originally knew.
The list of questions wasn’t terribly long. When and where was she born? Who were her parents? Did she have any siblings? What happened to her after she moved to New Orleans with her daughter-in-law and granddaughters? Where was she buried?
It shouldn’t have been difficult to find these answers. But, this was a quest that my dad and I went on together. For 30 years.
"You'd think that not being able to find her, that not having success for years... would have put a damper on my genealogical pursuits, that I would have stopped, that I would have thought that I wasn't any good at this. It didn't."
The Whole Story
Haven't listened to the episode yet? Take a moment to listen to me tell the whole story:
Prefer audio only? Click here to listen on your favorite podcast app.
🎧Listen to the full episode to experience:
- The breakthrough moment that changed everything
- How persistence and technology finally came together
- The emotional family reunion that healed old wounds
- The priceless family treasures that survived Hurricane Katrina
- Why family stories matter more than dates and documents
- The moment I finally kept my promise to my grandfather
The Power of One Story
The most remarkable discovery from my thirty-year quest wasn't found in any courthouse or database. It was the realization that every family story we uncover, every connection we rebuild, creates a stronger foundation for future generations.
That Mother's Day in New Orleans, sitting in a living room with Carrie's descendants – family members who had been strangers just hours before – something magical happened. I watched as two branches of a family, separated for generations, discovered they had been craving the same thing – connection. Stories flowed, photos were shared, and pieces of Carrie's life emerged that no official record could have captured. Her great-granddaughter had treasured memories of sharing a bedroom with her, while my side of the family had only known her name. Together, we created a fuller picture of the remarkable woman who had shaped all our lives.
Your Story
Every family has its stories waiting to be discovered, its connections waiting to be strengthened. As your family grows and changes, these stories become the threads that keep you connected across time and distance. They give your grandchildren roots while allowing them to spread their wings. They help adult children understand their place in the family narrative. They remind us all that we're part of something bigger than ourselves.
Want to get started on your own family history journey? Here are some story seeds and story sparks to help you grow your family tree and discover the stories along the way.
Story Seeds 🌱
Want to uncover similar stories in your own family tree? Here are some questions to explore that can help you discover stories that matter most:
- Are there any family members who expressed regret about not knowing their grandparents or other relatives? What circumstances might have caused this separation?
- Do you have any ancestors who were single parents? What challenges might they have faced in their era?
- Do you have any ancestors who learned a trade or skill that later helped them survive difficult circumstances?
- Are there any mysterious moves or relocations in your family history that might hold deeper stories?
Story Sparks🔑
It might be hard to imagine a time before instant online access to billions of historical records. But, those early days? There was no internet, no databases, just yellow legal pads, endless reels of microfilm, and determination. Every name had to be hand-copied, every record physically searched. Each small discovery felt like striking gold.
If you’ve listened to the episode, you know that I tried a lot of things over the years to find Carrie. It can be much easier now but it still requires a little effort. If you are just getting started on your family history journey, here are my top tips for climbing your family tree.
- **Start With What You Know** - Order a blank family tree chart and start filling it out with what you know. (I recommend the Denver or the Topeka, if you're just getting started.)
- **Talk to Your Family** - Is there someone in your family who knows more about your family history than you do? Give them a call or set up a time to meet and have a conversation.
- **Go Online** - It’s free to start a family tree on Ancestry.com. Enter the information from your chart into the online tree and see if any photos, historical documents, or cousin connections pop up.
Ready to discover your own family stories? Subscribe to "Stories That Live In Us" wherever you get your podcasts, and join me each week as we uncover more remarkable family histories that show us just how deeply our ancestors' stories live within us.
